I sit here in my loneliness, watching people go. I wonder to myself, "Is this the road we all have to take to take us to where we want?"

I mean, sometimes we do need to time away from each other. Sometimes we can never say goodbye.

It's a bittersweet ending to this chapter in life. Although it's time to move on to the next one will we still see each other? Will things be similar to how they were?

Perhaps the reasons to bittersweet endings are the attatchment people have to each other or the sickness of being around them. Sometimes we cannot let go of the past, grasping it for as long as we can, until it slips through our fingers like sand. Perhaps we're afraid of knowing what could come out of these endings. The final goodbye.

If you've got me on MSN, I'm sure you've probably seen this picture before.










Questions I've been asked:


What's up with your display picture?
Are you sad?
What's up?
Why is your picture so depressing?
Did you draw that?
What happened?








Answer:


The image represents me. I am the girl on the ground. The sword represents friends cutting me through the heart. The girl is eternally bleeding, but she still has the strength to still live. To just live is enough, because her ending life is all she's got. She's all alone. There are tears in her eyes to reflect her innocence.






I've just been so broken up, because I've been ripped apart by friends. Friends are supposed to be there for each other. When a friend is down, you're not supposed to tur your back away. I find that it happens for selfish reasons. What selfish reasons? The loss of attention on themselves. Does they world need to revolve around certain people all the time? I'm tired of this. There's no balance. I've always been the underdog, but it has never bothered me as much as now. Why? I've never been pushed around so much. I've never felt so alone. Honestly, I've never felt wanted, unless I was being used. I'm tired of trying so hard to be a true friend. I'm so tired of waiting for something in return. I'm tired of people telling me to give up the good friend thing. This is me and I'm sorry if I wanted to make a difference for people I care about.




Lesson: Friends aren't into balance.

Overall: I knew love was to hurt, but I didn't know to love would slaughter.

What's in a friend? Someone who's always there for you, right? Someone who can take the sun and throw it on you when it's raining on your face? Friends are amazing people, right?

Take it from someone who has been emotionally crippled, friends aren't the greatest people alive. They may be able to make you smile, but they're not amazing people. They always give you ups and downs. They create drama and fustration. More you care about them, more vulnerable you are from getting hurt by them. Friendship for me is a viscious cycle. A cycle in which, I try to be the ideal friend and get stabbed right in the face.

Sometimes your friends can say things to try and clear their name. They try and gain your trust again. Sometimes it's a whole lot of BS. Honestly, if they want to be your friend and try at it, words aren't enough. That's why there's something that speaks even louder for evidence called ACTIONS. If they're not going to walk the walk, they better take some soap and wash their mouths out. Example, if a friend hurt you and said that they'll never do it again, yet you know it's in habit, what do you think you should do? I believed them and did I ever get screwed over.

If you care, you care. Don't say it, show it. Is that so hard to do? Maybe we're all selfish, some more than others. Why should a friend be completely selfish and only think about themselves in the end of the day? Why does the world need to revolve around them? Why do other people need to sacrifice so much to make them feel comfortable. I'm sorry, but that's pathetic. I used to be naive but reality came and slapped be across the face countless of times.

Something else I learned, never to keep a friend accountable, because in the end, they turn their back on you and feed you to the wolves. I've been cut up and stabbed. Now I'm bleeding like I've never bled before. I'm almost dead on the inside all because of "friends". Now I know better and one day if I turn my back, you'll know why.

Lessons: Some friends just can never be trusted.

Overall: Friends suck and most of the time they'll never be there for you.

This is you, you have shaped and turned into a someone. Good job, that's just step one. Step two, is how you interact with others. What do they think? Do you know? You could possibly pick up on few things or maybe they'll tell you few things. Good job, you just entered the box. There's no escaping the box. The box is who you are and otherwise is out of character. Out of character? Is that possible? I am who I am, and individual, right?

Stereotypes ruin personalities and individuality all the time. To be put in the box, it can be hurtful. It's just seems as if it's the only thing people see you as, and you can't be anything else but what this person thinks you are. That leaves so little room for showing who you really are. Anything that is not in this character they have created is void.

They don't care. Should we?

Who wants to be put into a box? Who wants to put people in a box? It shows how ignorant and narrow minded one can be. It gives others lack of character and it can be hurtful. It shows no interest in knowing the real person. This is a problem.

Why can't we give people equal chance in proving themselves? Everyone is unique, but why are we stripping them away from that? Why are we stripping their personalities away? We make them bland, a careless mistake, a careless habit. Our carelesness makes it an even bigger problem.

I for one, would love to burn the walls of this box and escape. I don't put people in boxes either, so I don't get why I'm not allowed equal opportunity. If I did put people in boxes, some people would have the worst labels ever.

My perfect plan was a "time well spent". It was wasted. A saturday, where I had anticipated fun ended up me being cooped up in my house. I am very upset.

It's so stupid, really. I mean, don't you ever get premonitions? I did, but I decided to ignore them and hope for the best. Reality slapped me in the face. Hurts a lot, huh? I ignored my greatest fear because of my huge build up of excitement that was forming throughout the whole week.

Today was supposed to be the highlight of my week. I would go back to school knowing that I did something fun over the weekend. That just made me sound like an awfully boring person, which I have to admit, I can be. Boring people need fun in their lives too, and frankly fun escaped.

What is the moral of the story? Quitters never win? Quitters make others lose! Procrastinators should never be trusted, especially with perfect plans!

Yesterday, it was raining. Insanely, it reflected my mood. There was some entropy within my mind, that would keep me from thinking straight. I'll be honest, I am an overthinker. Anything could be overlooked or overthought. By the end of yesterday, I suppose I was moping in my own misery, feeling extremely agitated by a lot of people.
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If you read my previous post, you would know that the title of this post is from the song That's What You Get by Paramore. If you didn't listen to it, I recommend you to.

This line is one of the strongest lines that stuck out to me when I was listening to the song. "Why do we like to hurt so much?" Do we really? This is my take on the line.
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No sir, well I don't want to be the blame. Not anymore. It's your turn, so take a seat we're settling the final score. And why do we like to hurt so much?! I can't decided.You made it harder just to go on. Oh why? All the possibilities... Well, I was wrong.

That's what you get when you let your heart win. Woah... That's what you get when you let your heart win. Woah... I drowned out all my sense with the sound of its beating and that's what you get when you let your heart win. Woah...
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Intensions. When are things intentional? When are things unintentially intentional? Say you don't want something, and it ends up to happen? Perhaps we had premonitions of these things happening and we don't want it to happen. Reality slaps in the face, no matter how hard we run. Even the fastest runners still get hit with reality. What if we developed a fear of it happening, that it actually triggers it to occur? Fear causes us to become frantic. We stress and worry, because we don't know what will happen. The fact that we become frantic is not intensional, but the fact we fear is. The fact that we run away is intentional. We could just stand there and embrace it. Just let it happen if it will. Sometimes we intentionally try that but in the end, we go back to where we began.
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